I doubt that there is something that turns human beings, and possibly God, as on as heartfelt gratitude. This conclusion can be reached by anyone; it’s so very obvious. While the greatest exhortation in the Christian Bible is, “Give ‘thanks’ to the Lord for He is good, for His love endures forever,” someone put it more forcefully, “A person who is not grateful is not better than a great fool.” To say the least, it is truly right and just that we give thanks for every positive gesture shown us – in kind and/or in cash. The reason is not far-fetched: although the disposition to do good could come naturally, the actual act of goodness, or better put, ‘loving kindness’, demand some sacrifice on the part of the doer.

However,

the question of gratitude raises some pertinent concerns, especially as it bothers on why we crave it so badly, and why it appears that our subsequent rendition of ‘loving kindness’ is dependent on how much gratitude we got in the previous episodes.

To illustrate: a dependant gets his school fees once from an uncle, and because he wasn’t grateful at all or wasn’t grateful enough (from his uncle’s judgment), he never gets subsequent school fees. Funnily enough, this uncle now brands him an ingrate, and uses him as a worthwhile example whenever a tale of ingratitude needs to be told. And then it didn’t end there. This uncle concludes, based on this experience, that nieces and nephews are ingrates, and now refuses to help others. How did things get this bad?

And don’t misunderstand me here, gratitude forever remains a great attitude, and we’re always turned on by it when we occupy the receiving end – even when we pretend to say, “Don’t mention it.” In truth, would you have found it funny if he/she didn’t mention it in the first place? I doubt.

The gratitude problem largely derives from motif or intention. Put differently, it largely depends on the why of our giving. If giving stems from ulterior motif, then one gets to feel bad or even terrible when one’s expectation is cut short. Moreover, if it stems from charity, then the presence or absence of ‘Thank You’ makes little or no difference. Pay attention to my usage of charity; it means everything as far as understanding my point of view is concerned. Of course, our application of the term to most giving gestures constitutes a gross abuse of the term. They may best qualify as philanthropy; charity belongs in a different sphere – ‘Godsphere’. And the difference between philanthropy and charity lies in the why of the giving. In philanthropy, the giver gives ‘just’ to salvage the human situation; the credit is his or hers. In charity, the giver gives because he was first given and was commanded by this ‘First Giver’ to give; the credit goes to the One who first gave, and who left the command. The one giving in obedience to this command is nothing but an instrument in the hands of God.

Seen thus, one can already say that the unbridled craving for gratitude, which seems to be characteristic of our kind and cash gestures, is borne out of anything else but charity. Yes, in charity, appropriating gratitude to oneself is a case of usurping that which belongs to another; a sort of idolatry in this case, wherein that which rightfully belongs to God is taken for oneself. However, given that the actor was God’s agency, he could only receive, never to demand, thanks on behalf of God, and stating that to be the case.

Two examples will suffice here. When Jesus complained about the ingratitude of the other nine Jewish lepers that didn’t show up to give thanks, as against the Samaritan that showed up, he asked: Why have they not come to give praise to God? It is always to God. And did he actually complain? Not really, as we know Jesus to always seize given opportunities to teach. Should the one leper not have showed up to give thanks, he probably wouldn’t have talked about it. A second example can be found with the Angel Raphael on the successful completion of his mission to Tobit’s family. On their return from Ecbatana to recover the debt owed Tobit and to help marry Sarah for Tobias, Tobit asked his son Tobias to give a sizeable portion of the goods to his kind company, Raphael. Raphael quickly disclosed his messenger identity and instructed that all thanks and praise and glory belong to God alone.

Finally, St. Josémaria said it best:

Do and disappear.

When people talk about the ‘good old days’, they already imply that ‘these days’ are gone bad. For instance:

1. They talk about the high esteem to which virginity was held Vs the fact that the 21st century 15-year-old should have had sex over and over again or knows next to everything about sex.

2. Again, they talk about the worrying state of education Vs the fact that the average Standard VI pupil back in the days was already so good that he/she could become a teacher.

3. They talk about ethics and values and etiquette of time past Vs the nonchalance of millennials towards everything that use to make for civility – in time past.

4. In time past, too, the cardinal virtues (prudence, fortitude, temperance, justice) meant so much, and helped defined a man’s worth and strength of character Vs now that more of vices have taken centre-stage on the scheme of things.

5. Then, too, there were immortal codes for living for which men were prepared to die; like honour, like courage, like friendship Vs now that next to nothing is worth dying for. Enjoyment galore!

However, did things really become bad or they simply changed? For me, things only changed, and it’s only when we make comparison and pass value judgement that we can say things turned bad. But come to think of it, was it all better and is it all bad now? I doubt. And my doubt leans against the backdrop that those ‘purported good old days’ was bad in it’s own way, too. Come to think of it, again, who were responsible for turning these days from good to bad? In a relay race, for instance, which of the runners would be responsible for winning or losing the race, the starter or the finisher, or the intermediate runners? Truth be told, there is just a way every runner glories in the victory or partake in the lose; the starter no less than the finisher.

There is a better attitude we should adopt, instead of crying over spilled milk or throwing the baby away with the bathwater. I’m suggesting that we focus more on the inquiry into how things fell apart, with a view to arresting the situation as much we can. This is because, like it or not, certain predisposing factors saw us to this point, which include:

The sex revolution
It would be very unfair outrightly condemning this generation for sexual recklessness without going into the very root of the matter. And if you look at it closely, the people of the good old days were more afraid than virtuous. There were no reliable contraceptives and venereal diseases almost had no cure. And so, virginity was more or less an escape route. Such that when the 1960s saw the perfection of contraceptives and a way forward for venereal diseases, the hitherto adoration of sexual purity quickly eroded. Here we’re!

The fall of the family
Truth be told, this house has fallen! With the turnaround in the economic fortunes of the globe, family had to adjust in response to the economic trend; both parents now had to work to make ends meet. The result is that the children are left to form themselves. And what do you expect? They just keep trying things and crossing lines. Left home alone, should we be surprised at siblings seeing sexually explicit movies and trying things out with one another? Needless to begin to talk about morals and values.

The ICT revolution
In more ways than we can say, the advancement in information communication, especially the advent of the internet changed everything forever. And we cannot talk about this enough.

The rise in humanism
At least we now know that people fear God more than they love him, such that when an alternative showed up they left him with the speed of light. When social scientists started ascribing significant changes in societal organization to human effort, God started losing his place on the scheme of things. Then his many Thou shall nots were thrown back at him.

Seen thus, the factors that got us where we’re now are not only identifiable but can be worked on. So, why not we focus on working on them and stop trading blames. The blame-game can at most make certain quarters feel better about themselves; it just never changes anything.

In tune with Ayi Kwei Amah’s 1968 published The Beautiful Ones Are Not Yet Born, it’s beginning to dawn on me that the best books are yet to be written. This realization leans against the backdrop that I’m yet to arrive at the best book I’ve ever read, talk less of the best ever written. Of course, I’m not talking about religious masterpieces, such as Christianity’s Bible, Islams Koran, and Buddhists Sutras, which claim divine inspiration, and even divine authorship.

When on this platform I talked about and recommended Spencer Johnson’s Who Moved My Cheese?, I thought it was about the best book ever, given its sophisticated simplicity and its capacity to make profound impact. Of Who Moved My Cheese? someone had commented: This book is all the miracle I’ve been asking for. And then came Tuesdays with Morrie; I’d read it through and through and reviewed it on this platform. Tuesdays appeared to be far more remarkable that it rated higher than the Cheese story. Being a report of a real life encounter, it just had this way of cutting deep into one’s mind and heart as would a sword forged under the proverbial dragon breathe.

Today, I’m up to yet another thriller: “BUY THE FUTURE: Learning to negotiate for a future better than your present“ – by Ghanaian Mensa Otabil. Without much ado, Otabil, in a single book, killed and nailed his subject of discourse: ‘the future’. What about the future, one may already begin to wonder. Otabil, though a Pentecostal preacher and founder of Ghana’s first private university – Central University College, employs the biblical story of Esau and Jacob to demonstrate how one’s future can be sold or bought – without the hand of the divine element. There is absolutely nothing preachy about the book, and the choice of that biblical story hinges on the fact that it’s one single story that embodies all the dynamics that play out in the journey from the past, through the present, to the future. In fact, Otabil radically holds that every human being alive and every nation on earth is either an Esau or a Jacob.

Now, something particularly triggered up the writing of “Buy the Future.” It is this, and he writes himself:

Why does our future often so contradict our present? Is there a way in which we can determine our future today? Are there some things we do that make us prone to success and others we do that make us prone to failure? Can we determine the outcome of our future today?

…[T]wo people can be born under very similar circumstances go through similar experiences and yet arrive at different destinies. People sit in the same classroom and listen to the same teacher, use the same textbooks, do the same assignments, sometimes even get the same grades, but then as they grow into their future roles, they do not achieve the same levels of success in their individual pursuits. The same applies to corporate bodies, organizations and nations.

The above situation was what got Otabil writing. And he killed it and nailed it. Trust me, the book is worth every effort you put into the search for it, because I can assure you that it’s going to be a hard task finding it. However,

seek and keep seeking, and you shall find.

It’s really been a long time coming into 2016. Today, March 1, is actually Day-61 of the 366 days of 2016 – a leap year. And if we go by the truth that many things can be done in one single day, then we ought to have gotten too many things done already. However, given the seeming hard times that appear to be bedeviling the first quarter of 2016, especially Nigeria’s economic woes, many a Nigerian appears to be doing 220 in reverse gear. Too bad.

I particularly remember the pomp and pageantry with which we welcomed 2016, and the unspeakable optimism with which we embraced it. Side by side the welcome of 2016, we bade 2015 goodbye forever, with some even tagging it their worst year yet. Usually, the divide between the ‘passing’ year and the ‘coming’ one is never a celebration of the former. As typical of human nature, the old becomes undesirable, and even cursed. Of course, the comic thing about this arrangement is that at the breaking of 2017, our darling 2016 becomes the old, and possibly the cursed.

Be the above as it may, we must MARCH on! Yes, this new month is very true to its name: MARCH. We must not peter out. 2016 is only 61 days down and has got 305 days coming, a number of days many enough to make this year our best year yet. However, we must be particular about realizing the following:

Life goes on

No matter what, life just rolls on; 1960, 1993, 2013 or 2017 has little or nothing to do about this. Bad comes to worse, gently remind yourself that the situation, the difficulty or the frustration has nothing to do with 2016 but has got everything to do with the nature and dynamics of life itself. And just as they showed up in time, they’d also roll out at a time. That’s just the way it is.

Count your blessings

The bigger problem is that of ingratitude. We’ve always proven to be better ingrates than ‘gratefuls’. In this regard, it may not have been a bad year after all, as many have chosen to claim; they are possibly being more ungrateful thank thankful. And one may not see a reason to be grateful until one gets to actually get down to counting one’s blessings – naming them one by one. To meaningfully march on, March 1 is a good day to count the blessings of 2016. Ask yourself what is it that you wanted that you’ve already gotten. Mind you, don’t dismiss any as small or insignificant; every little counts. I can assure you that a grateful heart does better – naturally!

Revisit those resolutions and promises of January 1

January 1 is notoriously reputed as being a day of resolutions: New Year resolutions. Everyone gets to resolve to start doing something new or stop doing something old. Funnily enough, we go back on those resolutions as soon as we made them, and are sad that we couldn’t hold the forth. The usual response is to stop trying, to give up. However, I like to announce to you that what is responsible for that situation is the problem of habit and change. Truth be told, a habit that took years to form shouldn’t disappear by a ‘mere’ resolution to stop. No, change is hard! And the best we can do is rise up after every fall, and keep at it until the desired habit overrides the unpleasant one. So, March 1 is a good day to revisit those resolutions and promises made on January 1.

It’s all about you

For most Nigerians, it is President Buhari to blame. Funnily enough, even the gods are not to blame. It’s just all about you! When the going gets tough the tough gets going, we often say; why not get tough? The best captains are made in the roughest of waters, we also say. In business history, many new millionaires and billionaires emerge in the worst of economies. Could that be you?

Forward March!

When this command is given in a military or paramilitary parade, the only valid thing to do is move forward – and never backward. Such is the command we get from this month of March: Forward ever, backward never. Let go of the messes of January and February, and focus on the possibilities of March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November and December; 10 whole months to look up to.

God bless your MARCH.