The Life That Can Be Taken Away: Rethinking Honour, Validation, and the Pursuit of a Meaningful Life

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Many years ago, when I first met Aristotle in a philosophy class, I didn’t fully appreciate how practical he was. But as life unfolds, his ancient wisdom begins to sound strangely modern, almost as if he had lived among us, scrolling through Instagram, attending performance reviews, and watching political drama unfold in real time.

Aristotle argued that human beings generally spend their lives pursuing one of three kinds of life: 

  • the life of pleasure
  • the life of honour
  • and the contemplative life. 

You might hear this and think, “Philosophy talk,” but if you look closely, you’ll recognise yourself somewhere in that list.

Today, let’s focus on the life of honour because this is the one most people unknowingly chase, and it’s also the one with the biggest built-in danger.

The Life That Depends on Other People

Aristotle said the life of honour is attractive because it feels noble. It is the life of achievement, recognition, influence, and status; what today we might call:

  • career success
  • awards and public praise
  • political visibility
  • professional reputation
  • social media validation

Nothing is wrong with these things. In fact, they are important. Society cannot function without people who lead, excel, and contribute.

But Aristotle pointed out one uncomfortable truth:

Honour is given by others. And whatever is given by others can be taken away by them.

That single insight explains much of the anxiety and performance pressure people live under today.

  • In the workplace, one manager’s opinion can make or break your appraisal.
  • Online, one viral moment can build your platform and one rumour can destroy it.
  • In politics, popularity is a wind that shifts without warning.
  • Even in families, approval can be inconsistent.

A life built on external validation will always feel unstable, because you’re essentially renting your happiness from other people.

And rent can go up.

Or expire.

Or be revoked without notice.

Why This Matters to Ordinary People Like Us

You don’t need to be a politician or a celebrity for this to apply. Think of the everyday situations:

1.Career

You pour yourself into your job, but a change in leadership suddenly reduces your visibility. Or a brilliant project goes unnoticed because someone else takes the credit.

2. Social Media

You start posting your work, expecting encouragement, but the likes don’t come. Or worse, they come and then suddenly they don’t. Your mood rises and falls with metrics you don’t control and your happiness is measured by an algorithm.

3. Family and Society

Some people live as though life is a never-ending audition for respect. They sacrifice peace trying to meet expectations that keep shifting.

In all these cases, you are essentially trusting other people to define your worth.

And people, wonderful as they may be, are unpredictable.

The Alternative: Building a Life That Cannot Be Taken Away

Aristotle believed the highest life is the contemplative life not in the sense of meditating on a mountain, but in the sense of living from the inside out rather than from the outside in.

In practical terms, this means:

Cultivating Inner Competence

Take pride in doing your work well, not because someone will clap, but because you value excellence.

Deepening Your Inner Life

This can mean prayer, reflection, journaling, reading, or simply creating space to think. People with a rich inner world are harder to destabilise.

Knowing Who You Are When No One Is Watching

If applause stopped today, would you still feel grounded? If a role, title, or platform disappeared, would your identity survive? Take time to answer these questions. You’ll be surprised by what you find out about yourself through the answers.

Your Worth Cannot Be Outsourced

The deeper point Aristotle makes is this:

A meaningful life must be rooted in something that cannot be revoked.

When your sense of worth is tied to external validation, your peace becomes fragile.

When it is grounded in personal values, inner clarity, spiritual depth, and sincere self-respect, your life becomes harder to shake.

Titles may change.

Followers may fluctuate.

People’s opinions may drift.

But what is built inside you remains yours.

And that, is the kind of life no one can take away.

“Be Careful What You Wish For”: Why the Universe Sometimes Answers Too Literally

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In the movie, Men of Honor, Chief Sunday throws this warning at Carl Brashear:

“Be careful what you wish for; you may get it.”

Many people assume it’s Chinese because it sounds like those ancient, bamboo-scented, fortune cookie proverbs we love to attribute to the East.

But historically, the phrase is not originally Chinese. Scholars trace versions of it to:

  • Greek antiquity (Aesop),
  • English Victorian literature, and later
  • American idioms

So it’s more of a global proverb than a cultural one, yet its wisdom is universal.

This threat-sounding sentence shows us that the danger is not in wishing; the danger is in wishing without understanding the cost.

And what are the costs you may ask?

1. Wishes Don’t Come With User Manuals

Disney may have made the genie nice, but Jinns do not necessarily care about you or your wish but in fulfilling their obligations. They won’t explain the fine print like Aladdin’s genie the same way life doesn’t. Everyone wants “the next level,” but no one asks what comes inside the package.

You want a promotion? Beautiful.

Are you also ready for the accountability, the late nights, the performance metrics, the unspoken expectations, the political pressures?

I remember someone who said, “God, enlarge my coast,” and God really did, but the enlargement also came with staff drama, budgets, and the mysterious ability of generators to break down only during deadlines. The irony is that we often want the blessing without reading the fine print.

2. Some Desires Are Escape Routes Disguised As Dreams

Sometimes what we wish for is not growth but escape. A man says, “I want to marry so I’ll have peace.” He marries and discovers marriage is not a spa but a lifelong team project. All of a sudden the peace he envisioned is nowhere to be found because he had the wrong mindset from the get-go. 

A young person says, “I want to relocate for a better life.” They relocate and meet loneliness they never budgeted for.

The desire wasn’t wrong but the reasoning was shallow. And shallow wishes always come with deep consequences.

3. The Universe Doesn’t Edit Your Request; It Delivers It Raw

Think of it like ordering online.

If you don’t specify, the delivery will not apologise for matching your vague instructions.

You want more followers? You may also receive more scrutiny.

You want a big platform? Prepare for big problems and big temptations.

You want financial breakthrough? Be ready for financial responsibility, which many people secretly fear.

Blessings come as full packages, not curated fragments. 

4. Success Exposes All

In Men of Honor, Brashear’s dream was noble: to be the first Black Master Diver. But the fulfilment of that wish exposed hypocrisy, prejudice, insecurity, and the true character of everyone around him. Your answered prayer might reveal what you’re not ready to see. Success magnifies everything:

Your strengths, your laziness, your impatience, your relationships, your self-control.

Wishing is easy. Carrying the wish when it becomes reality? That’s a whole different ball game. 

5. Before Wishing, Count The Emotionally, Spiritually, and Relationally Cost

Many people only calculate money, but the real cost of desires is paid in:

  • time
  • attention
  • peace
  • relationships
  • discipline
  • identity

Before you wish for a big ministry, a bigger following, a bigger job, or a bigger life, ask yourself: “Do I have the internal infrastructure to hold what I’m asking for?” If not, the problem isn’t the wish but the vessel: you.

6. Every Dream Has Its Shadow

The dream of leadership carries the shadow of loneliness.

The dream of independence carries the shadow of responsibility.

The dream of marriage carries the shadow of selflessness.

The dream of influence carries the shadow of scrutiny.

You cannot wish for the dream and refuse its shadow. 

So, shouldn’t we make wishes?

Of course not. The idea is not to not wish but to wish with understanding and bearing all thought about the consequences and fallout. Wishes in itself are not dangerous. Immature wishes are.

Instead of “I want…”, try:

“I want this with the grace to handle it.”

“I want this with the character required for it.”

“I want this, but I want wisdom first.”

This is how wishes become blessings instead of burdens.

Final Thought

Yes, be careful what you wish for, not because wishing is wrong, but because reality takes wishes seriously.

Dream boldly.

Ask bravely.

But also prepare deeply.

Because the universe, life, and even God have a curious habit of giving us exactly what we asked for and revealing whether we were ready for it.

Friends in Low Places: The Power of Relationships People Overlook

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There is a line I once heard in an episode of Law & Order that has stayed with me far longer than any dramatic courtroom monologue. A New York attorney was being questioned about how she managed to obtain a sealed piece of evidence, and she simply smiled and said, “I have friends in low places.”

The implication was obvious: someone “below” the glamorous ranks of power, perhaps a clerk, a records officer, a receptionist, a lab technician, had made something possible that no amount of authority, ambition, or high-profile connection could have achieved.

It was a simple line, but the wisdom inside it is remarkably profound. The other version of her reply is “having friends in high places” which is what many of us prefer to have. 

We live in a world obsessed with the upper deck of society. Everyone is networking upward, climbing, reaching, curating relationships that look good on paper. People chase CEOs, senior pastors, influencers, commissioners, directors, “big men,” and anyone with a shiny title. It is almost as if worth is measured by how elevated the people around you appear.

We brag about our social networks and connections forgetting that the word “social” is not limited to a certain class of people.

The world doesn’t run just because of the high places.

It also functions because of the low ones.

Think about it for a minute. If everyone was “big” who would open the doors? Serve as chauffeurs? Cleaners? Aren’t these the low people we tend to overlook and turn down our noses on?

The funny and ironic twist in all of this is that the people in “low places” often have the most direct access, the widest visibility, the deepest loyalty, and an unprecedented power.

The security guard knows who went in and out.

The secretary knows what is really happening behind the doors.

The cleaner hears conversations no one realises they are having loudly.

The driver sees the raw version of the “important” person.

The clerk understands the system far more intimately than the executive.

The technician sees details the manager cannot interpret.

The janitor knows which rooms matter and which rooms are façade.

In a society obsessed with prestige, we forget that proximity is power, and proximity does not always belong to the people at the top.

This is why the most grounded, emotionally intelligent, and truly powerful people treat “low places” with dignity. They understand that it’s not every important person that is noticeable and influence can come in varying forms.

They know that the people the world overlooks are often the ones who hold the keys both literally and metaphorically.

The Truth About Human Value

Our culture mistakenly believes that honour should flow “upward.” It applauds it. Encourages it. Shines a light on those who have magneted the creme de la cremes to their side.

But honour is at its most beautiful when it flows downward; when people treat those with less status as if they carried the same significance.

  • People in low places rarely forget kindness.
  • They rarely forget fairness.
  • They rarely forget the person who looked them in the eye and saw them, not their job title.

High-ranking people may forget you when their priorities change.

But the ones in the “ordinary” roles? They remember who respected them and who didn’t.

And sometimes, when life pivots or doors shift, they become the very hands that lift you higher.

Why Investing in Low Places Matters

They See What Others Miss

Because they are in the background, they hold perspectives that people at the top never access.

They Often Have Authority

They know processes, details, and realities that determine outcomes.

They Are Usually More Authentic

There is less politics, less pretence, and less performance.

They Make Systems Work

Without them, the “important” people collapse. Imagine a secretary being off duty and the “big” man having to run his own schedule, answer his own calls and organise appointments. 

They Inspire Humility

They remind us that human value is not tied to visibility. They represent the kind of power that cannot be faked. The kind that works when titles fail.

The Caveat

The idea of forming bonds with people in low places is not to be mistaken for a networking scheme and backup plan for if the high places turn out as dead ends.

We have to be sincere in our relationships. We have to treat then like any human but that take extra step to be somebody that means well and does well.

Replying to the door man when he tells you to have a nice day and remembering the door man’s name if possible.

Acknowledging that the cleaner is human. They may be there to clean up after you, but deserve to be treated as human beings.

Recognising the worth and work of the secretary as they ensure your work life stays on track.

Sure, they’ve all been hired to work and their work they must fulfil, but having such jobs should not belittle the respect you have for them. If anything, it should make you respect them more.

Relearning What Matters

Chasing people in high places is easy. It appeals to vanity.

But having friends in low places?

That is wisdom.

It is emotional intelligence.

It is the recognition that life moves not only through the hands of the powerful but through the hands of the faithful, the ordinary, the unseen.

Sometimes the cleaner opens a door no politician could.

The clerk gives you information no executive knows exists.

The driver protects you in ways a leader wouldn’t think to.

The cook, the messenger, the receptionist, and the assistants are the ones who change your story without ever stepping onto a stage.

The Beautiful Paradox

The world respects titles.

But life runs through people.

Not big people.

People!

And until we treat every human being, high, low, and in-between, as carriers of dignity and value, we will continue to misunderstand what true influence looks like.

So the next time life surprises you, don’t be shocked if your breakthrough came not from a boardroom, but from a basement.

Sometimes the most important friendships you will ever make are not at the top of the ladder, but on the steps you were too busy climbing.

When Two Elephants Fight: How Not to Be the Grass That Suffers

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We’ve all heard the proverb: “When two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.”

It’s poetic, but painfully true. Whether in politics, workplaces, marriages, communities, or even church groups, the real casualties are usually the bystanders, the people with the least power, the workers, the ordinary citizens, and the well-meaning friends.

But what if the “grass” refused to be helpless?

What if, instead of being trampled, the grass learned to reposition, reinforce, or even remove itself before the stampede begins?

But the grass can’t move. Yes, literally, the grass is transfixed and can’t help but be trapped, the idea is to think differently beyond the immovable grass and learn how not to be collateral damage in other people’s battles:

1. Know When The Fight Is Not Yours

It’s not always your business. The first rule of surviving elephant battles is recognising that not every conflict requires your participation.

In many workplaces, team members get dragged into the ego wars of senior leaders. Suddenly, someone is forced to “choose sides.” That’s exactly how grass gets crushed.

What To Do:

Become professionally neutral. 

It is easier said than done when you’re caught between your COO and CEO’s “display of authority” but if you fall into that trap of picking one side, you set yourself up for life.

Why?

The person you went against will have it out for you one way or the other. The person you went with may not even care about you that much and was only in need of a representative office pawn to prove a point. 

You’ll need to learn diplomatic tact. Support policies, not personalities. Let your reputation be built on competence, not alliances.

2. Stay On The Edges, Not The Centre

When big forces are clashing, impact is highest at the centre. In political seasons, for example, citizens get emotionally invested in rivalries that they cannot control. Meanwhile, the actual political actors shake hands after elections and move on, while ordinary people are the ones left with fractured friendships and bitterness.

What To Do:

Maintain emotional distance. The unraveling of hate during political turbulence is a case study of grasses getting between something that was not theirs to get into in the first place. Aspirants plant disturbances in the form of people and soon, friends of 20 years are mad at each other so much so they can’t repair the bond even after all is done.

No one is asking you not to care but you have to care without carrying fire for anyone. Air your views. Defend your opinions. Cast your vote and at the end of the day, no matter how the tides flow, you learn to live in peace.

3. Build An Identity Stronger Than Any System

Grass suffers because it is rooted in one spot. Elephants, on the other hand, roam. If your livelihood, status, or confidence depends on one boss, one political party, one organisation, or one relationship, you have placed yourself directly under the feet of elephants.

What To Do:

Diversify your identity: skills, networks, mentors, and opportunities. Be flexible enough to move. Many people lose promotions because their direct supervisor is clashing with upper management. They themselves are excellent, but their identity is tied to the wrong champion.

4. Learn Early Detection; Elephants Don’t Start Fighting Suddenly

Before elephants clash, the ground already begins to vibrate. In organisations you’ll notice it: at first it could be mild tension between the two heads. Not having the same coffee stand, refusing to attend each other’s stand up, rebuffing ideas flagrantly, closed-down meetings, etc. The actual tussle you witness is the culmination of the tension not the start of it.

What To Do:

Develop political emotional intelligence. Learn to observe power shifts, pay attention to mood, and prepare alternatives before conflict goes public.

This is what agile grass does: it bends before the storm, not during it.

5. Don’t Inherit Other People’s Enemies

One of the quickest ways to become trampled is to inherit the quarrels of people who will forget you tomorrow. Imagine this:

A colleague becomes hostile to you because their friend has an issue with you, an issue you aren’t even aware of. Or in families, siblings inherit grudges their parents had with relatives from 20 years ago.

Does it make sense? There are cases in our personal lives where the enmity is inherited because of the ghastly nature of what was done, but in the professional context, you need to watch how you bear the brunt of what is otherwise none of your business.

What To Do:

Respect everyone. Treat everyone with your own eyes, not someone else’s lens. You owe loyalty, but you don’t owe inherited hostility. If you decide to be hostile, let it be based on your convictions and findings not on hearsay, themsay, shesaid, theythought.

6. Choose Your Elephant Wisely

Sometimes you cannot avoid being connected to someone powerful. If you must align, choose wisely.

Young professionals often attach themselves to charismatic but controversial managers. When the manager eventually gets into trouble, their entire “camp” falls with them.

What To Do:

Align with people of integrity. They may not necessarily be the loudest or most influential, but the fairest.

7. Create Your Own Escape Routes

Grass suffers because it has no exit strategy. People, on the other hand, can create options.

If senior leaders are fighting and your department becomes ground zero, begin preparing: update your CV, strengthen your portfolio, expand your network. This isn’t you being disloyal, it’s having common sense. If the quarrel lightens up and some of you get to stay, that’s great. If you happen to be part of the some, even better. But in worst case scenarios, the last thing you need is to wake up one Monday morning and find yourself jobless because two people just couldn’t get along.

8. Never Let Fear Make You Still

Frozen grass gets crushed first.

Movement is your greatest protection. If politics at work gets hot, become more visible for your competence, not your opinion.

If chaos rises in society, stay informed and proactive.

What To Do:

Learn to adapt. To pivot. To flow with the tide. There are times when staying at a place is the best option and times when it’s not. 

9. Grow Thicker Not Harder

There’s a difference between the two. Growing harder makes you brittle. It means you stop trusting, become cynical, withdraw from people.

Growing thicker means you become emotionally resilient without losing your softness.

What To Do:

Stay compassionate, stay open, but protect your peace. Thick grass bends but doesn’t break.

Elephants Will Stop Fighting, But The Grass Must Live On

Elephants fight, and reconcile tomorrow. But the grass that got crushed doesn’t magically spring back. Your long-term well-being is more important than temporary peacekeeping. Don’t sacrifice your future on the altar of other people’s wars.

Yes, elephants will always fight. Politicians, bosses, family members, influencers, even nations have a propensity together into it at times.

But the grass does not have to be passive. You can be a wise grass: aware, strategic, emotionally intelligent, and mobile.

Because the truth is this:

Survival is not just for the strong. It is for the aware.

The Burden of Discretion

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We live in a world where the walls between the personal and the public have become astonishingly thin.

The social media age has created an environment where information, those true or false, noble or ignoble, travels at the speed of desire not fact.

People share, forward, forward multiple times, screenshot, and upload with little thought for consequence.

In a culture increasingly shaped by individualism and competition, information has become a currency. And like all currencies, it can be traded, weaponised, or squandered.

Yet beneath the glitter of curated feeds and polished appearances lies an uncomfortable truth about the human condition: we are all fragile, contradictory creatures. Every one of us carries private failures, hidden struggles, and stories we would rather not have shouted from rooftops. 

We often use the “skeletons in the cupboard” adage, and in reality, that’s the human reality.

The difference between the exposed and the unexposed often boils down to who was in the room, who held the camera, who had access, and, crucially, who exercised restraint.

This is where the burden of discretion emerges. 

What is discretion?

Discretion is not merely the act of keeping quiet. It is the discerning ability to know what to share or not share about what we know or in many cases, do not know.

  • It is the grace of protecting others even when exposing them might benefit us. 
  • It is the recognition that privileged access to someone’s personal life is not a right but a trust.
  • Whether in the workplace, in friendships, within families, or in positions of leadership, discretion is an essential ethic.

In the Career Space

Many professionals today handle sensitive information like financial details, confidential memos, internal conflicts, and even personal matters colleagues unknowingly let slip during stressful seasons.

Some people stumble upon a coworker’s mistake, overhear a conversation not meant for them, or witness a moment of vulnerability.

The easy path is to leverage such knowledge for advantage: to gossip upward, score points, or thwart their growth on the corporate ladder.

But the burden of discretion calls for something higher. It invites professionals to be guardians of dignity. To understand that a colleague’s unguarded moment is not a stepping stone.

It’s not your “one opportunity” to get back at them if they have been in your bad books. Sure, leveraging the information may favour you, but it speaks poorly to your quantity as a person and the weight of your trait. 

In the Family and Community

Our most intimate relationships grant us VIP access to the unedited parts of people’s lives, their fears, flaws, tempers, anxieties, emotional wounds. Families, friendships, and close-knit communities thrive when discretion is exercised with maturity.

Speaking carelessly about a sibling’s past, sharing a partner’s weakness in public, or revealing a friend’s private struggle to score humour points may seem trivial, but it erodes emotional safety.

“It was only a joke” is not an excuse to ridicule another irrespective of the bond.

“But it was funny.” Funny to you, not them. It may be funny when they discuss it with you, because it’s you, but sharing that intimacy with people they don’t know or care about is gutter behaviour.

Healthy families and communities understand that love is partly expressed through silence, the type that protects, not the type that conceals wrongdoing.

The burden of discretion does not mean covering evil; rather, it guards the humanity of those who are imperfect but trying, flawed but growing.

In Positions of Trust

Clergy, counsellors, employers, mentors, and leaders of all sorts often stand at the crossroads of extraordinary personal confessions. People entrust them with their raw truths, which are sometimes messy, sometimes painful.

These truths can be mishandled, sensationalised, or retold as personal trophies. But to do so is to betray the very heart of leadership. True leadership understands the sacredness of private information.

Discretion is silence in the service of human dignity. It is the posture that says: I will not weaponise what was shared in vulnerability.

The Positive Call

In the end, the burden of discretion is not a weight but a gift, a gift we offer others, and a gift we hope others will offer us.

It is an act of compassion in a world hungry for scandal. It is a discipline of love in a culture saturated with exposure.

It is a strength that allows relationships, careers, and communities to flourish because people feel safe to be human.

We cannot stop the world from being noisy, competitive, or invasive. But we can choose who we become within it. And perhaps the most countercultural choice we can make today is this: to be trustworthy custodians of the things we see, hear, know, and hold.