Friends in Low Places: The Power of Relationships People Overlook

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There is a line I once heard in an episode of Law & Order that has stayed with me far longer than any dramatic courtroom monologue. A New York attorney was being questioned about how she managed to obtain a sealed piece of evidence, and she simply smiled and said, “I have friends in low places.”

The implication was obvious: someone “below” the glamorous ranks of power, perhaps a clerk, a records officer, a receptionist, a lab technician, had made something possible that no amount of authority, ambition, or high-profile connection could have achieved.

It was a simple line, but the wisdom inside it is remarkably profound. The other version of her reply is “having friends in high places” which is what many of us prefer to have. 

We live in a world obsessed with the upper deck of society. Everyone is networking upward, climbing, reaching, curating relationships that look good on paper. People chase CEOs, senior pastors, influencers, commissioners, directors, “big men,” and anyone with a shiny title. It is almost as if worth is measured by how elevated the people around you appear.

We brag about our social networks and connections forgetting that the word “social” is not limited to a certain class of people.

The world doesn’t run just because of the high places.

It also functions because of the low ones.

Think about it for a minute. If everyone was “big” who would open the doors? Serve as chauffeurs? Cleaners? Aren’t these the low people we tend to overlook and turn down our noses on?

The funny and ironic twist in all of this is that the people in “low places” often have the most direct access, the widest visibility, the deepest loyalty, and an unprecedented power.

The security guard knows who went in and out.

The secretary knows what is really happening behind the doors.

The cleaner hears conversations no one realises they are having loudly.

The driver sees the raw version of the “important” person.

The clerk understands the system far more intimately than the executive.

The technician sees details the manager cannot interpret.

The janitor knows which rooms matter and which rooms are façade.

In a society obsessed with prestige, we forget that proximity is power, and proximity does not always belong to the people at the top.

This is why the most grounded, emotionally intelligent, and truly powerful people treat “low places” with dignity. They understand that it’s not every important person that is noticeable and influence can come in varying forms.

They know that the people the world overlooks are often the ones who hold the keys both literally and metaphorically.

The Truth About Human Value

Our culture mistakenly believes that honour should flow “upward.” It applauds it. Encourages it. Shines a light on those who have magneted the creme de la cremes to their side.

But honour is at its most beautiful when it flows downward; when people treat those with less status as if they carried the same significance.

  • People in low places rarely forget kindness.
  • They rarely forget fairness.
  • They rarely forget the person who looked them in the eye and saw them, not their job title.

High-ranking people may forget you when their priorities change.

But the ones in the “ordinary” roles? They remember who respected them and who didn’t.

And sometimes, when life pivots or doors shift, they become the very hands that lift you higher.

Why Investing in Low Places Matters

They See What Others Miss

Because they are in the background, they hold perspectives that people at the top never access.

They Often Have Authority

They know processes, details, and realities that determine outcomes.

They Are Usually More Authentic

There is less politics, less pretence, and less performance.

They Make Systems Work

Without them, the “important” people collapse. Imagine a secretary being off duty and the “big” man having to run his own schedule, answer his own calls and organise appointments. 

They Inspire Humility

They remind us that human value is not tied to visibility. They represent the kind of power that cannot be faked. The kind that works when titles fail.

The Caveat

The idea of forming bonds with people in low places is not to be mistaken for a networking scheme and backup plan for if the high places turn out as dead ends.

We have to be sincere in our relationships. We have to treat then like any human but that take extra step to be somebody that means well and does well.

Replying to the door man when he tells you to have a nice day and remembering the door man’s name if possible.

Acknowledging that the cleaner is human. They may be there to clean up after you, but deserve to be treated as human beings.

Recognising the worth and work of the secretary as they ensure your work life stays on track.

Sure, they’ve all been hired to work and their work they must fulfil, but having such jobs should not belittle the respect you have for them. If anything, it should make you respect them more.

Relearning What Matters

Chasing people in high places is easy. It appeals to vanity.

But having friends in low places?

That is wisdom.

It is emotional intelligence.

It is the recognition that life moves not only through the hands of the powerful but through the hands of the faithful, the ordinary, the unseen.

Sometimes the cleaner opens a door no politician could.

The clerk gives you information no executive knows exists.

The driver protects you in ways a leader wouldn’t think to.

The cook, the messenger, the receptionist, and the assistants are the ones who change your story without ever stepping onto a stage.

The Beautiful Paradox

The world respects titles.

But life runs through people.

Not big people.

People!

And until we treat every human being, high, low, and in-between, as carriers of dignity and value, we will continue to misunderstand what true influence looks like.

So the next time life surprises you, don’t be shocked if your breakthrough came not from a boardroom, but from a basement.

Sometimes the most important friendships you will ever make are not at the top of the ladder, but on the steps you were too busy climbing.

The Burden of Discretion

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We live in a world where the walls between the personal and the public have become astonishingly thin.

The social media age has created an environment where information, those true or false, noble or ignoble, travels at the speed of desire not fact.

People share, forward, forward multiple times, screenshot, and upload with little thought for consequence.

In a culture increasingly shaped by individualism and competition, information has become a currency. And like all currencies, it can be traded, weaponised, or squandered.

Yet beneath the glitter of curated feeds and polished appearances lies an uncomfortable truth about the human condition: we are all fragile, contradictory creatures. Every one of us carries private failures, hidden struggles, and stories we would rather not have shouted from rooftops. 

We often use the “skeletons in the cupboard” adage, and in reality, that’s the human reality.

The difference between the exposed and the unexposed often boils down to who was in the room, who held the camera, who had access, and, crucially, who exercised restraint.

This is where the burden of discretion emerges. 

What is discretion?

Discretion is not merely the act of keeping quiet. It is the discerning ability to know what to share or not share about what we know or in many cases, do not know.

  • It is the grace of protecting others even when exposing them might benefit us. 
  • It is the recognition that privileged access to someone’s personal life is not a right but a trust.
  • Whether in the workplace, in friendships, within families, or in positions of leadership, discretion is an essential ethic.

In the Career Space

Many professionals today handle sensitive information like financial details, confidential memos, internal conflicts, and even personal matters colleagues unknowingly let slip during stressful seasons.

Some people stumble upon a coworker’s mistake, overhear a conversation not meant for them, or witness a moment of vulnerability.

The easy path is to leverage such knowledge for advantage: to gossip upward, score points, or thwart their growth on the corporate ladder.

But the burden of discretion calls for something higher. It invites professionals to be guardians of dignity. To understand that a colleague’s unguarded moment is not a stepping stone.

It’s not your “one opportunity” to get back at them if they have been in your bad books. Sure, leveraging the information may favour you, but it speaks poorly to your quantity as a person and the weight of your trait. 

In the Family and Community

Our most intimate relationships grant us VIP access to the unedited parts of people’s lives, their fears, flaws, tempers, anxieties, emotional wounds. Families, friendships, and close-knit communities thrive when discretion is exercised with maturity.

Speaking carelessly about a sibling’s past, sharing a partner’s weakness in public, or revealing a friend’s private struggle to score humour points may seem trivial, but it erodes emotional safety.

“It was only a joke” is not an excuse to ridicule another irrespective of the bond.

“But it was funny.” Funny to you, not them. It may be funny when they discuss it with you, because it’s you, but sharing that intimacy with people they don’t know or care about is gutter behaviour.

Healthy families and communities understand that love is partly expressed through silence, the type that protects, not the type that conceals wrongdoing.

The burden of discretion does not mean covering evil; rather, it guards the humanity of those who are imperfect but trying, flawed but growing.

In Positions of Trust

Clergy, counsellors, employers, mentors, and leaders of all sorts often stand at the crossroads of extraordinary personal confessions. People entrust them with their raw truths, which are sometimes messy, sometimes painful.

These truths can be mishandled, sensationalised, or retold as personal trophies. But to do so is to betray the very heart of leadership. True leadership understands the sacredness of private information.

Discretion is silence in the service of human dignity. It is the posture that says: I will not weaponise what was shared in vulnerability.

The Positive Call

In the end, the burden of discretion is not a weight but a gift, a gift we offer others, and a gift we hope others will offer us.

It is an act of compassion in a world hungry for scandal. It is a discipline of love in a culture saturated with exposure.

It is a strength that allows relationships, careers, and communities to flourish because people feel safe to be human.

We cannot stop the world from being noisy, competitive, or invasive. But we can choose who we become within it. And perhaps the most countercultural choice we can make today is this: to be trustworthy custodians of the things we see, hear, know, and hold.

10 Commandments for Friendship in Today’s World

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Everyone talks about friendship as if it’s simple: be loyal, be kind, be honest. 

But friendships today are more complex than ever. They are stretched thin by distance, distorted by social media, and pressured by the emotional demands of adulthood. The old advice is wholesome, yes, but insufficient for a world where connection is both easier and more fragile.

What’s one to do then?

Not have friends? Of course not.

There’s always a way out and here are 10 unconventional, outlier commandments of friendship.

The kind that actually builds depth, security, and long-lasting bonds in a noisy, fast-paced world.

Commandment #1

↪Thou Shalt Not Compete With Thy Friends

Comparison is the silent killer of friendship. Celebrate your friend’s wins without turning them into a mirror for your insecurities. Your friend’s success is not your failure but evidence that good things are possible. If you need to “keep up” with your friend, you’re a rival, not a companion. And if their success triggers anything in you, it should not be comparison but an earnest sense of happiness and maybe hope that your congratulations are also around the corner.

Commandment #2

↪Thou Shalt Give People Space Without Taking It Personally

Modern friendships fail because people interpret space as abandonment. Adults have schedules, stresses, ambitions, and seasons of silence. A healthy friendship can survive being put on ‘Do Not Disturb’. But, that does not mean allowing yourself to be taken for granted, either.

Commandment #3

↪Thou Shalt Not Demand Emotional Perfection

Your friend is not an emotional vending machine. They will disappoint you. They will misunderstand you. They will have days when they have nothing to give. Friendship thrives not because people are perfect, but because they are safe enough to be imperfect.

Commandment #4

↪Thou Shalt Practise the Discipline of Low Maintenance

Good friendships don’t require constant conversations but  consistent truth. You don’t need to talk every day. But you must be real every time you talk. Depth beats frequency.

Commandment #5

↪Thou Shalt Be Loyal in Silence, Not Just in Speech

It is easy to defend people when they are watching. True loyalty happens in rooms where your friend’s name comes up and they are not present. If you won’t protect your friend in rooms they cannot enter, you don’t deserve access to their trust.

Commandment #6

↪Thou Shalt Tell The Truth Even When It Risks the Friendship

A real friend is not someone who agrees with everything you do. They are someone who refuses to let you self-destruct politely. If you feel slighted that your friends are calling you out, maybe it’s time to ask if what you want is a friend or a yes man.

Commandment #7

↪Thou Shalt Respect Boundaries, Even The Ones You Don’t Understand

You may not understand why a friend asked for what they asked for, but if they tell you they need boundaries, respect it without interrogation. You need to stop seeing boundaries like obstacles and more like fences. Fences protect the home, same as boundaries.

Commandment #8

↪Thou Shalt Not Treat Thy Friend as a Dumping Ground

Venting has its place, but friendships collapse when one person becomes the emotional landfill of the group. Share your struggles responsibly and  don’t confuse friendship with therapy. Your friend is a human being, not a cushion for your chaos.

Commandment #9

↪Thou Shalt Not Make Everything About Thyself

A shocking number of friendships die because people forget to ask, “How are YOU?” Self-centredness is subtle. It starts slowly with interrupting stories, builds into hijacking conversations, and soon lands at minimising others’ pain. And when you ask, “how are you?” mean it? Don’t rush over or hope they simply say “fine” so that you can go on to discuss you. Ask and be intentional about getting into their responses.

Commandment #10

↪Thou Shalt Grow or Thou Shalt Drift

Friendships don’t last because of time; they last because of growth. You cannot remain connected to someone if one of you is evolving and the other is committed to stagnation. The rarest friendships are those where both people rise, learn, mature, self-reflect, and expand. 

True friendship isn’t built on constant closeness or similarity but on trust, maturity, emotional intelligence, and mutual evolution.

These commandments are like principles that elevate you. In a world full of shallow connections, the people who follow these principles become something rare: friends who feel like home, not like weight.

“You’re Safe Here:” The Master Key to Every Human Heart

I’m currently reading Daniel Coyle’s The Culture Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups, and one line caught my attention. He described how our brains are constantly scanning for answers to three ancient, ever-present questions:

  • Are we safe here?
  • What’s our future with these people?
  • Are there dangers lurking?

Simple, right? These questions may sound common but you’ll be surprised that they’re running in the background of every human interaction.

According to Coyle, when our brains receive positive answers to these questions, we relax. We stop looking for threats and start connecting. This shift, known as psychological safety, unlocks trust, creativity, and genuine collaboration.

It made me realise something: if you can make people feel safe with you whether through actions or even words, you hold the master key to their hearts. Whether it’s in marriage, leadership, or friendship, this is the power that builds lasting bonds.

So, back to those three questions:

1. Are We Safe Here?

This is the foundation of trust. Every relationship begins with safety, be it emotional, physical, or psychological. When people feel unsafe, they shut down. But when they feel safe, they open up. In dating and marriage, safety means creating an environment where vulnerability isn’t punished or taken advantage of. It’s in the small things like listening without interrupting, responding without judgment, apologising when wrong, and keeping private things private. These actions say, “You’re safe with me.”

In the workplace, leaders build safety by keeping their word, acknowledging mistakes, and avoiding blame games. A boss who admits, “I could have handled that better,” builds more loyalty than one who always wants to be right.

In friendships, safety grows through consistency, being dependable, respecting boundaries, and avoiding gossip. When people know you won’t weaponise their weaknesses, they’ll show you more of who they really are.

Practical steps to build the trust

Make it a habit to affirm safety through your reactions. When someone confides in you, resist the urge to fix or judge. You can offer solace without suggestions. Appreciate them for trusting you and let them know. It reaffirms that they’re safe.

2. What’s Our Future With These People?

Next is the need for belonging. The second question is about continuity. Our minds want to know if the relationship has a future; if there’s a “we” worth investing in.In romantic relationships, this shows up in the need for reassurance and shared vision. Partners who occasionally say, “I’m not going anywhere” or who make plans together communicate safety. Mind you, this isn’t about making empty promises but about consistency, showing up, again and again.

In business and the workplace, this means signalling long-term partnership over transactional interaction. A good manager says, “Let’s figure this out together,” not “You’re on your own.” A brand that shows customers it cares about their growth, not just their money, wins enduring loyalty.

Practical steps to reaffirm a sense of belonging

Regularly express commitment in words and actions. Follow up. Keep showing up. Celebrate small wins together. People relax when they can predict kindness and reliability.

3. Are There Dangers Lurking?

This shifts to the power of transparency. The final question is about hidden threats, the invisible elephants in the room. Suspicion kills connection faster than anything else.In marriages and friendships, hidden resentments and unspoken expectations are the real dangers. The antidote is honesty. Name issues early and kindly. “I felt hurt when that happened” prevents “I’m done” later.In business or teams, transparency about motives, expectations, and decision-making builds immense trust. When people don’t have to guess what’s going on behind closed doors, they relax and engage.

Practical step to improve transparency

Embrace clarity over comfort. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Note: saying what you mean does not mean being rude or unfiltered blunt in the “I’m just being honest” way. That’s wrong. Do so kindly and timely. When people can see your intentions, they’ll trust your direction.

In the end, everyone just wants to feel safe

At the heart of every human connection lies a simple longing: “Am I safe here?” When the answer is yes, when our actions, tone, and presence consistently say you’re safe here, relationships flourish.

Safety doesn’t mean perfection or the absence of conflict. It means predictability in love, honesty in intent, and gentleness in truth.In a world that constantly feels emotionally, socially, even spiritually unsafe, perhaps the most powerful gift we can offer is to become a place of safety for others. It costs nothing but awareness, consistency, and care. Because when people feel safe with you, they stop guarding themselves and start giving you the best of who they are.

“IS EVENUS NOT A PHILOSOPHER?”

< are they thought leaders or thought frauds? >

As we navigate through the world of thought leadership, it is important to ask ourselves what we truly mean by the term “philosopher.” I mean, “thought leader” is only a sleek synonym of “philosopher.” Are those who claim to be thought leaders really seeking knowledge and wisdom, or are they merely seeking power and influence?

This question recalls the famous conversation between Socrates and his friends in Plato’s “Phaedo,” where the great philosopher challenged the claim of the Sophist Evenus to be a philosopher. Socrates argued that Evenus, like many so-called “thought leaders” today, was merely a rhetorician, someone who used language to persuade rather than to seek truth.

Socrates pointed out that true philosophers, like himself, seek knowledge and wisdom for their own sake, without any concern for personal gain or influence. They are committed to discovering the truth, even if it challenges their own beliefs or goes against popular opinion.

In contrast, rhetoricians are primarily concerned with winning arguments and gaining power. And by extension, selling out ineffectual courses, half-baked books, empty sessions, etc. They use language to manipulate others and achieve their own goal of cashing out, rather than seeking truth and wisdom and propagating same.

The term “thought leadership” is often used to describe those who claim to be experts in their field and offer insights and advice to others. However, we must be careful not to confuse true thought leadership with mere rhetoric.

True thought leaders are those who have a deep understanding of their subject matter and are committed to sharing their knowledge and insights with others. They are not concerned with winning arguments or gaining power, but with helping others to learn and grow.

In contrast, those who are merely using the term “thought leadership” as a way to promote themselves or their ideas without a commitment to seeking truth and wisdom are nothing more than frauds.

In the age of social media, it is all too easy to confuse popularity and influence with true thought leadership. We must be careful not to fall into this trap, and instead seek out those who are truly committed to seeking knowledge and wisdom for their own sake.

So the question remains, “Is Evenus not a philosopher?” Perhaps not, according to Socrates. And in the world of thought leadership, we must be just as discerning in our search for true wisdom and knowledge.