Life’s got rules and principles and laws. And playing by these rules and principles and laws is the surest way to knowing prosperity and good success. Remember the law of gravity and the law of karma? Time to add the Rule of 5 to that list.

The Rule of 5, what does it mean exactly? Simply, it reflects the reality that we’re the average of the 5 dominant people in our lives – be they our parents, spouses, teachers, siblings, friends, mentors, neighbours, bosses, colleagues, roommates, etc. The length of time we spend around them is the defining element here; we’re the average of the 5 people we spend most of our “ear-time” with. It is important to immediately pinpoint that this Rule of 5, like other rules, principles and laws, is binding on us whether we like it or not, believe it or not, subscribe to it or not; it’s independent of our ignorance and irrespective of our opinion.

It is also important to add that since nothing is hard and fast in life, the number 5 in the Rule of 5 seemingly reflects the ideal, and since ideals are not always attainable, it can as well be Rule of – 4, 3, 6, 7 or even 1; any number of persons one spends most of his/her time with. 5 is just fine; Rule of 5, it remains.

Yes, there is just this astonishing way in which we turn into those we always hand around or hang out with; we assume their thought pattern, mimic their words, clone their actions, adopt their habits, reflect their character, and may just be headed to the same end – destiny. Little wonder birds of a feather flock together.

Since we’re all both different and unique, how does this come about, one may wonder. Simple: we humans have an inbuilt capacity for that; the mirror neurons of the brain are responsible for that. True to their name, mirror neuron, they mirror or reproduce the environment, and especially get taken over by the signals fired at them by the mirror neurons of other people. Already stated, these mirror neurons act on – even without our permission. And this already say volumes about the much talked about “environmental factors.”

With this revelation, I expect that the better thing to start doing right away is to be way stricter in choosing our company; don’t put up with any character you don’t want to become, because that is exactly what you will end up becoming, whether you like it or not, if you hand around or hang out with them long enough – and your permission is not needed.

We don’t get to choose our parents and siblings, but we can decide how much time to spend around them if they have bad attitude and questionable character; no apologies. Oh, we squarely get to choose our friends, our bosses, our spouses, etc. We should be darn strict in choosing them.

Then, also, we should smuggle ourselves into the company of those we aspire to be like. We should also take this into consideration when choosing a neighborhood, a church/parish, clubs, etc.

Good luck.

“You’re a performer; you’re the man. Cheers.” That was the part of the phone conversation I heard, and it really got me thinking. And that part of the conversation made meaning to me because we were all in the middle of a situation; those words were a thank you to the guy that fixed it – the performer.

Now, here’s what happened. We were in a motorcade headed to lay the remains of a certain 95-year-old to rest in his ancestral home. His age already says it was the case of a celebration of life, and his son was hell-bent on giving his late father who’d had enormous influence on him a befitting burial. One way to give this celebration a touch of pomp and pageantry was to get those who do it best involved. His choice was APAMS, an elite funeral services outfit. The long and short of it all is that the exotic ambulance in which the remains rode broke down in the middle of nowhere; far from home and far from town. And no attempt to locally arrest the situation worked; the exotic car needed an exotic fixing. However, it was clear to Uncle John that the plan to give his late father a befitting burial wasn’t going to change one bit, and all he needed was a performer to step into the situation. And this performer showed up! In no time, another exotic ambulance zoomed into the scene of the situation with the speed of light. This was the point where that call was made, and since I was standing next to him, I heard him loud and clear: “You’re a performer; you’re the man. Cheers.”

The performer was the manager of the funeral services outfit, I suppose. And he had immediately swung into action as soon as he received the very first call that his ambulance had broken down in the middle of nowhere, leaving his client stranded as it were. To say the least, he did rescue the situation.

Without much ado, let’s quickly look at what it takes to join the performers’ league.

Performers are situation-oriented

The first trait of a non-performer is obsession with protocol, due process and maintenance of status quo. Non-performers can be so annoying, and you find them everywhere. In a hospital, you find them asking a dying patient to wait for their turn or pay for this or that before being attended to. In this case, they are more concerned about upholding hospital protocols than fixing the dying situation. The performer would break protocol, defy orders, ignore rules, and even go the extra mile to fixing a situation. I can already imagine the orders given to the driver of the rescue ambulance by this performer-manager: “You’re permitted to kill yourself getting to Isuikwato; fly on land and ensure you get there in no time.” This imagination is induced by the speed I saw him drive on; bullet-speed is the word.

Performers don’t do the blame-game and they abstain from excuses

The second trait of a non-performer is the trading of blames and giving of excuses. Non-performers are darn good at those. On the contrary, those in the league of performers know that excuses absolutely change nothing and that casting blames on others is no part of the canonization process; no one becomes a saint trading blames. Performers take responsibility for every single thing that goes wrong, and then leave no stone unturned in the bid to fixing them. It was pretty easy to start lashing it out on the driver of the broken ambulance since the situation would have been avoided if he had done one or two things differently. But the performer-manager knew that wouldn’t help the situation one bit. And I’m sure he didn’t stuff his client’s ears with a thousand and one excuses; that obviously wouldn’t get his father’s remains home. Instead, he did the only thing that always works: take action!

Performers privilege value over cost

APAMS is so big that doing a refund of the money plus compensation wouldn’t have been a problem. But the performer-manager knew that the point in question was way beyond cash; a refund plus compensation wouldn’t have made his client richer. He knew that value was the point in question; he knew that he was an instrument at the service of a befitting burial for a dear father, such that he couldn’t afford not to deliver. And deliver he did.

You wish to join the league of performers? Confront situations, steer clear blame-gaming and excuse making, privilege value over cost. That’s how it works.

Are you ready?

I didn’t really think I was capable of private revelation until recently when a particular and peculiar realization dawned on me. It dawned on me that Jesus had appeared to me in my childhood; and He would speak the same words to me many times every day. The words He spoke were: “THEN CAME JESUS.” Am I blaspheming? Will you throw me out like the Jews would have thrown Jesus down the hill upon which their city was built had He not thought it wise to slip through the crowd? Before you even contemplate doing that, let me explain myself. The Jesus that spoke to me was a drawing on the wall of the house I grew up in. Those words were part of the drawing and ran on the halo upon his head; I saw that drawing many times every day; and those words always came to me as a voice, even at a time when I didn’t understand them one bit. And then I grew up to make sense out of them; Jesus always comes to the rescue of them that believe in him.

It doesn’t just start raining; the clouds even go as far as telling us how much it is going to rain. When the clouds signal a heavy downpour, we get ready to receive it. If we get our day messed up by being caught unawares by the rains, it would be our fault; we either failed to read the sign or took our reading of the cloud with a pinch of salt. Again, though it is in the nature of accidents to happen accidentally, they usually don’t just happen; they give a sign or series of signs. A gas explosion, for instance, usually begins with a gas leakage that was either undetected or taken for granted. In the same vein, an auto crash occurs after a number of signs: reckless driving, bad road, poor vehicular condition, etc. – these things are knowable ahead of time.

Furthermore, couples don’t just file for divorce the morning after the first night. No. We know it usually starts off as the best thing ever, progresses to a climax, gets better and better if the going is great, or starts tumbling down if the reverse is the case. However, before it comes crashing down, certain signs, such as depression, stress, nagging, constant quarrels, stare them in the eyes. Failure to read those warning signs finds them filing for divorce on the “baddest” day.

To say that our entire life depends on the ability to read signs is to even say it lightly. Simply, if we can’t read danger, then we’re endangered. In the social circle it is called trend, and means the direction the society is taking or the line she is toeing. Here, it is said, if you don’t move with the trend of time the trend of time will move you. Of course this excludes those who blaze new trends. To function meaningfully as a member of society and to profit greatly as an entrepreneur, the ability to read trends is nonnegotiable. To put it forcefully, it is do or die!

Everything depends on our ability to read – books, faces, signs, trends, etc.

Given that signs speak and continue to do so, what is the way forward? We find our answer with the late Catholic pontiff, St. John Paul II, who wrote: “When hearts are enkindled and minds are enlightened, signs begin to speak.” Actually, the enkindling of the heart and the enlightening of the mind aren’t what would make signs speak; they will only open the ears of our heart and mind to understand what those signs are already and keep saying. To put it better: …signs begin to speak to us.

The next challenge is in understanding what enkindled heart and enlightened mind are. An enkindled heart is one that burns with the fire of love. After all, the word enkindle means to set afire. The heart that loves is the heart that knows, the heart that feels, and the heart that sobs. This heart listens to the pains and frustrations of others, and it just has this way of knowing when danger is around the corner. On the contrary, a stony or frozen heart is not moved, is indifferent, and doesn’t care a thing about anything; it is characteristically deaf.

On the other hand, the enlightened mind is the mind that knows, the mind that understands. After all, the word enlighten means to give light, to dispel darkness, to instruct ignorance. It is the mind that knows that signs speak that would be keenly attentive to hear it out.

We Christians are a peculiar people. We only need the gift of the Holy Spirit to enkindle our hearts with the fire of the love of God and to enlighten our minds with the light of Christ. In this new state – of enkindled hearts and enlightened minds – we can spot virtually everything: betrayal of best friends, attack of sworn enemies, demonic manipulation, environmental changes, etc.

For everyone, including Christians, one sure way to be truly enlightened is through reading books.

Simply, my meeting with ace Nollywood actor, Chief Chiukwuwetalu, was for an interview; the recorders on that desk say it all. I’ve to start on this note because I seize every opportunity to insist that I’m not celebrity-crazy, particularly because I’m personally not comfortable with the way my generation confers celebrity status on people. In this light, I’ve read a number of people say they go nude to buy that title.

But Chief Chiukwuwetalu is different; meeting him, like meeting Sammie on Lagos Island, changed everything for me forever. That’s why I’m fronting him on this platform, to say how much he did for me. To say it lightly, he rebranded me for good.

I surely can’t say so much, given that the interview’s got a copyright owner who could sue me, but I wish to share these three points that make the Chief stand out as a person:

The principles and laws haven’t changed one bit
One thing about success is that it runs on the fuel of principles and laws. And the only way to succeed is order one’s life in line with those principles and laws. Hard work has always paid off. Sowing and reaping is an eternal truth. Consistency is nonnegotiable. Networking means everything. Charity is more magic than magic. Focus is wow! Listening to the full version of his life and odyssey, I found that his success wasn’t accidental; he paid every dime of his dues and is now very glad he did. You wish to succeed? Simple: keep the commandments – of success.

Originality and initiative are assets No. 1
Ours is a world of copycats! And these copycats dub next to everything and are darn great at their copycraft. And so, the originals are dope! Very good, I mean. With a market value to match. In a world of a multitude of conformists, those who dare to chart new courses by taking initiative are deified. You choose: copycat or original; mediocre or trailblazer? Chief did me the favour of leaving me just one option: original and trailblazer. And trailblazing is simple enough: be more than the rest of the pack; leaving good behind and going for better.

God is everything; man is nothing
We humans are notoriously limited; we can’t even plan for this tomorrow with a good degree of certainty. And so, we must all immerse ourselves in the pool of grace, that the Almighty may look kindly upon us and shed the light of his benevolence on us.

When the full gist comes to town, I’ll spread the word. This is my job: to spread the word of knowledge.

One way I stay mentally up-to-date is read online articles. They’re dope! Very good, I mean. Of course, I carefully select them; I endeavour not to let junks into my mental space, as there’s no gainsaying that there’re pieces of information that are more destructive than productive. Trust me, I’ve tested both sides, and can tell the difference. I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to rid myself of some ‘evil spirits’ I picked up from the pages of books. I bet you don’t want to try your legs in my shoes.

May I suggest the following sites: psychologytoday.com, entrepreneur.com, inc.com, richdad.com, robinsharma.com, samuelokonkwok.blogspot.com, businessinsider.com… One article from each site everyday can make a tremendous difference at the end of the day. In this game of information gathering, every little counts – and amount to much at the long run. And as much as you go crazy about specialization (knowing everything about something), make some room for generalization (knowing something about everything). We’re in the Information Age, remember? So, a lot depends on versatility. Get this straight from me: Go versatile or go volatile.

Back to the point in question: real human being. And this leans against the backdrop that other variants of “human being” exist. Of course, the opposite of real is virtual and fake. Therefore, we’ve at least the following calibers of human beings: real human beings, virtual human beings, and fake human beings.

Firstly, virtual human beings. You meet them on social media, especially Facebook and WhatsApp, and they’re darn good at putting up appearances. Their clothes are always sparkling, their hairdos are always dope, and their profile pictures are always killing. They’re always happy and never sad; their relationships are always perfect. They sound too gentlemanly to be real when you chat them up, and their courtesies are tantalizing. For these ones, many have given up their real-time relationships, because they are fun to have on the other end of the line.

Secondly, fake human beings. They can be in the virtual category too, but the parting line is the fact that they live lies. To say the least, everything about them is fake! They say they live on the Island when it’s actually Ajegunle. They say their parents are these when they’re actually those. They take snapshots at Shoprite and say they went shopping in Dubai. They ride in a friend’s car and say they just bought themselves one. They dress in borrowed robes and come out feeling on top of the world. Without mincing words, these are the worst human beings to have around our personal space.

Thirdly and finally, the real human beings. It is for this reason that I kick-started this piece by talking about my penchant for reading online articles. I wasn’t braggadocious about it; needed to push a point through with it. I read a piece yesterday where a certain Nour Essa described Pope Francis in these words: Francis is a real human being. And so it got me thinking…

What did Pope Francis do to have been described in those gracious words? This is it. On his way home from one of his foreign trips, the Pope tagged along three Syrian-Muslims families in his usually Alitalia-chartered flight back to Rome, to get them started on new lives there. This is squarely unusual, so striking that one of them commented: “…what the Pope did with us has never been done by an Arabic leader or by a Muslim religious man.”

Without much ado, four of what it takes to be really human includes:

No one is perfect; don’t feel like one

No matter how much one tries, perfection is out of reach. No one is flawless. So, why try selling others the impression that one is perfect. That’s fake! Be human. Embrace imperfection. Why do some ladies, for instance, forbid being seen without wearing makeup? I’m not suggesting they walk around town without being in their best, but they shouldn’t feel so embarrassed when someone runs into them when without makeup and other attachments. May I quickly add: while we can’t be perfect, we can aspire to it so as to reach “excellent.” Some said it best: We can reach for excellence, but perfection is God’s business. And excellence begins from 70% – not 100%

Don’t feel too strong

It is not part of being really human to feel too strong. Strong is just fine; too strong is off the mark. If you’ve lost someone truly dear, why not cry. If you truly love someone, why not say it. If something is painful, why not say it is. If a condition is not favorable anymore, why not quit. If you can’t take it anymore, why not report you can’t take it anymore. Come to think of it, what do we gain portraying “too strong”? Others’ admiration, right? And what makes us think others care? Sincerely, they really don’t care.

Be sympathetic and empathetic

These are awesome attributes of the real human being; the ability to feel pity for the other, and the ability to get into the other’s shoes – to feel where it pinches them. This is where Pope Francis’ action falls. He felt it for the Syrian families and got himself into their shoes. Feeling what they felt, he was moved on to pull them over to Rome.

Understand that failure is part of the game

The fake and virtual guys only showcase the sunny side of life. But life is never all sunny. Life can be messy, gloomy, tough, nasty, and even brutish. We must embrace all these sides of life whenever they come around our neighborhood. And we should talk about them (not dwell on them) and never be sorry for or ashamed of them. One thing about failure is that it can be a reliable teacher.

#Be_Real-ly_Human