Everyone talks about friendship as if it’s simple: be loyal, be kind, be honest. 

But friendships today are more complex than ever. They are stretched thin by distance, distorted by social media, and pressured by the emotional demands of adulthood. The old advice is wholesome, yes, but insufficient for a world where connection is both easier and more fragile.

What’s one to do then?

Not have friends? Of course not.

There’s always a way out and here are 10 unconventional, outlier commandments of friendship.

The kind that actually builds depth, security, and long-lasting bonds in a noisy, fast-paced world.

Commandment #1

↪Thou Shalt Not Compete With Thy Friends

Comparison is the silent killer of friendship. Celebrate your friend’s wins without turning them into a mirror for your insecurities. Your friend’s success is not your failure but evidence that good things are possible. If you need to “keep up” with your friend, you’re a rival, not a companion. And if their success triggers anything in you, it should not be comparison but an earnest sense of happiness and maybe hope that your congratulations are also around the corner.

Commandment #2

↪Thou Shalt Give People Space Without Taking It Personally

Modern friendships fail because people interpret space as abandonment. Adults have schedules, stresses, ambitions, and seasons of silence. A healthy friendship can survive being put on ‘Do Not Disturb’. But, that does not mean allowing yourself to be taken for granted, either.

Commandment #3

↪Thou Shalt Not Demand Emotional Perfection

Your friend is not an emotional vending machine. They will disappoint you. They will misunderstand you. They will have days when they have nothing to give. Friendship thrives not because people are perfect, but because they are safe enough to be imperfect.

Commandment #4

↪Thou Shalt Practise the Discipline of Low Maintenance

Good friendships don’t require constant conversations but  consistent truth. You don’t need to talk every day. But you must be real every time you talk. Depth beats frequency.

Commandment #5

↪Thou Shalt Be Loyal in Silence, Not Just in Speech

It is easy to defend people when they are watching. True loyalty happens in rooms where your friend’s name comes up and they are not present. If you won’t protect your friend in rooms they cannot enter, you don’t deserve access to their trust.

Commandment #6

↪Thou Shalt Tell The Truth Even When It Risks the Friendship

A real friend is not someone who agrees with everything you do. They are someone who refuses to let you self-destruct politely. If you feel slighted that your friends are calling you out, maybe it’s time to ask if what you want is a friend or a yes man.

Commandment #7

↪Thou Shalt Respect Boundaries, Even The Ones You Don’t Understand

You may not understand why a friend asked for what they asked for, but if they tell you they need boundaries, respect it without interrogation. You need to stop seeing boundaries like obstacles and more like fences. Fences protect the home, same as boundaries.

Commandment #8

↪Thou Shalt Not Treat Thy Friend as a Dumping Ground

Venting has its place, but friendships collapse when one person becomes the emotional landfill of the group. Share your struggles responsibly and  don’t confuse friendship with therapy. Your friend is a human being, not a cushion for your chaos.

Commandment #9

↪Thou Shalt Not Make Everything About Thyself

A shocking number of friendships die because people forget to ask, “How are YOU?” Self-centredness is subtle. It starts slowly with interrupting stories, builds into hijacking conversations, and soon lands at minimising others’ pain. And when you ask, “how are you?” mean it? Don’t rush over or hope they simply say “fine” so that you can go on to discuss you. Ask and be intentional about getting into their responses.

Commandment #10

↪Thou Shalt Grow or Thou Shalt Drift

Friendships don’t last because of time; they last because of growth. You cannot remain connected to someone if one of you is evolving and the other is committed to stagnation. The rarest friendships are those where both people rise, learn, mature, self-reflect, and expand. 

True friendship isn’t built on constant closeness or similarity but on trust, maturity, emotional intelligence, and mutual evolution.

These commandments are like principles that elevate you. In a world full of shallow connections, the people who follow these principles become something rare: friends who feel like home, not like weight.